Editor’s note: SDGLN is putting human faces to key issues of our times. Today, we take a look at parenting in the LGBT community and how children with gay or lesbian parents feel about issues they must confront, including legal hurdles and outright discrimination.

What is a “normal” family?

For years, the mainstream media has defined a “normal” family as one that has a mother and a father. This belief was even part of the argument made by supporters of California’s Proposition 8 during the recent historical trial.

But, according to children of gay and lesbian parents, “normal” cannot be defined by the gender or sexuality of parents. Instead, a “normal” family is one that is rooted in love and respect.

These children are reclaiming the word “normal” for themselves -- and for generations to come. To do that, they want the world to hear what it is like to live with gay parents.

“I didn’t realize I was different.” - Christine Sheppard, daughter of a lesbian mother

Growing up with two mothers was normal to Christine. As a young child, she didn’t realize she was any different from the other kids in her neighborhood.

In fact, she felt lucky, because unlike many of her friends who were splitting time between divorced parents, she had two moms in her house. She had the undivided attention of both women, which meant she always had someone willing to help her with her problems and share in her happiness.

Now a nurse practitioner, Christine has excelled in her career. She feels she owes a great deal of her success to her mothers, and quickly discounts anyone who says that the children of gay and lesbian parents do not develop as well as the children of straight parents.

Christine is not alone in discounting that myth.

Charlotte J. Patterson from the University of Virginia published a study titled “Children of Lesbian and Gay Parents.” The academic paper, which was based on more than 20 years of research, concluded that a parent’s sexual orientation does not affect a child’s development. That means that children of LGBT parents have as many opportunities for success as children of heterosexual parents have. They can be just like Christine, or the countless others who have found success in adulthood after living with loving gay or lesbian parents.

“My home life was better than a traditional home life.” - Andrea Wagner, daughter of a gay father

When Andrea Wagner’s father told her that he was gay, she welcomed the announcement. Andrea was honored that her father would share this part of himself with her. Due to that, she felt comfortable telling her father everything. When she had problems, she went to her dad. When she accomplished something, her dad helped her celebrate.

Andrea prickles when people tell her that living with a gay parent put kids at a disadvantage.

She says she grew up with a support system that was missing from so many of her friends’ lives. She felt loved and respected. Best of all, she enjoyed an open relationship that helped her stay on track with her life.

Now, a mother and a wife, Andrea credits her father with many of her life’s successes. He taught her about love, openness and respect, and she has taken those lessons into adulthood.

”If gay parents create gay kids, how do you explain the gay kids of straight parents?” - Adam Waxman, son of a gay father and lesbian mother

When Adam was young, his father came out as gay and his parents divorced. Later, his mother came out as well.

Sexuality was not an issue in Adam’s household. His parents were gay, and he was straight. They never tried to steer him toward the “gay lifestyle,” whatever that is, and he never felt as if he had to explain his heterosexual feelings to his parents. They embraced his lifestyle, just as he embraced theirs. Adam never felt pressure to be anything but true to himself.

The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychology and the American Psychological Association say Adam’s story is common among children of gay and lesbian parents. They state that children born to heterosexual parents are just as likely to become gay or lesbian as the children of gay parents are. That means the children of gay and lesbian parents are just as likely to be heterosexual as well.

“I wasn’t yearning for a father figure.” - Christine Sheppard

According to Christine, living with two moms was no different from living with a mom and a dad. She didn’t spend her days wishing a man would come into her life. Instead, she enjoyed the same types of things that her friends with moms and dads enjoyed. She spent her childhood making trips to the beauty shop, tossing around the softball and learning how to drive.

The study “How Does the Gender of Parents Matter?” which was authored by Timothy J. Biblarz and Judith Stacey, supports Christine’s statements. The study found that gender does not play a significant role in parenting.

Stacey summed up the study by saying, “The family type that is best for children are one that has responsible, committed, stable parenting.”

“We need equal rights, too.” - the children of gay and lesbian parents

The children of gay and lesbian parents do not just want to share stories about their childhoods. They also want to explain the importance of equal rights.

Adam is on the front lines on the fight for equal rights. This is a personal cause for him, as he felt the sting of second-class citizenship when his stepfather was diagnosed with a terminal illness.

Adam’s father had just died, and he was left caring for his ailing stepfather. Since his father and stepfather were not legally married, Adam had to jump through hoops to make health-care decisions for his stepfather. They had to fill out directives and put a power of attorney in place. Had they not created legally binding documents, the ailing man’s care would have been left to people who were not familiar with his wishes.

Adam does not want this to happen to other kids of gay and lesbian parents. He dreams of a time when the parents and children will be viewed as legitimate in the eyes of the law.

Resources for children of gay and lesbian parents

Children of gay and lesbian parents have several resources at their disposal. They can turn to these resources for information on dealing with discrimination, as well as help with the legal issues that surround children of same sex parents.

One such resource is the group Children of Gay Parents. This group was founded by Adam Waxman, and provides a wealth of information for people who grew up with gay parents. People can visit the website to read about the important issues.

COLAGE is another resource for the children of same sex parents. The COLAGE website has resources and information, and the organization has chapters throughout the United States.

The children of gay and lesbian parents encourage their peers to make use of these resources. By using these resources, the children say, people will be able to cope with the discrimination and help make the future brighter for children of same-sex parents.

In San Diego, The Center offers a program called Family Matters with a mission to enhance and sustain the health and well-being of families with one or more parents who are lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender and to provide information, resources and support for those considering parenthood.

According to The Center’s website, Family Matters serves about 400 GLBT parents and their children each month. It offers support and educational opportunities for parents and prospective parents, playgroups and social opportunities for families throughout San Diego County, and an annual family celebration, the Family Barbecue.

For more information about Family Matters, click HERE or call (619) 692-2077.