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Bottoms Up: St. Patrick's Day is so gay

“On St. Patrick's Day, which falls during the Christian season of Lent, Irish families would traditionally attend church in the morning and celebrate in the afternoon.” – The History Channel’s Web site.

In my professional opinion, despite its religious history, St. Patrick’s Day has got to be one of the gayest holidays in modern times. Think about it. Each year millions of people celebrate the image of a tiny man with a big sack at the end of a rainbow. ‘nough said.

So in honor of the thousand-year-old tradition and leprechauns with big sacks, here’s to skipping church (only because it’s a Wednesday) and drinking your weight in green beer.

Below I’ve compiled your all-inclusive guide to the gayest St. Patty’s Day events in San Diego:

The fun starts at 11 a.m. Saturday, March 14, at Fifth and Laurel with the official St. Patrick’s Day Parade. Considering how we love parades, I would make an effort to check this one out because it’s fun for the whole family and it’s probably the only time other than Pride weekend where you can see guys strutting the streets in skirts (read: kilts), blowing bagpipes and dancing a jig.

While day drinking is grand, the real fun starts with the long-awaited grand opening of FLUXX (500 Fourth Ave.) on Saturday night, and you can be rest assured that Dave Renzella and the team will have The Gaslamp raging all weekend.

But as we all know, Sunday is Funday and on March 14 Circuit Sundays will be back in action and the boys at SD PIX are promising to go balls to the wall to celebrate “Pink Patty’s Day” as only they could. With a free party bus shuttling from Hillcrest all night and DJ Miss Lisa spinning the best beats, think pink, think drink, think FREE White Party ticket giveaway!

After your liver has recovered from Sunday’s shenanigans, guys and gals can make their way back downtown for ShamROCK, the sickest St. Patrick’s Day festival on the West Coast. On Wednesday, March 17, the streets of the Gaslamp will be taken over by three event stages featuring the best DJs, the biggest bands and the hottest go-go dancers. For $20 you can buy the best ticket in town to enjoy all the entertainment, food/drink specials and free rides home anywhere in San Diego County. Tickets can be bought in advance by going to The Field, 544 Fifth Avenue or by visiting www.sandiegoshamrock.com

And if you want to enjoy the night’s festivities without leaving the neighborhood, you can’t go wrong by making your way to Fiesta Cantina. Probably the only Mexican-themed bar in the world that celebrates Irish holidays, Fiesta Cantina will be offering its ever-popular 2-4-1 drink specials, Irish nachos, Leprechaun shots and green beer.

Considering that I made a pretty good argument for why one of the gayest holidays in existence is right around the corner and the fact that there is so much happening this week, staying home is really not an option. So go out, make friends with our Irish neighbors and make smart choices.

And just for the holidays, here’s a limerick I wrote to brighten your day.

There once was a boy from the hood,
Who partied as much as he could.
He woke up with a guy
But didn’t know why
And now he’s as gay as Roy Ashburn.

(OK, the whole Roy Ashburn thing doesn’t rhyme, but I figure it’s all good just the same.)

Happy St. Patty’s Day, friends! Bottoms up!

Wanna chime in? Readers can contact Robert Corea at robert@sdpix.com