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Flesh deserves top-billing in "Steam Room Stories: The Movie"

"Steam Room Stories: The Movie" is about a brutal corporate mogul who discovers that one of the world's most sought after cures lies beneath a small L.A. business. She then sets out to shut it down in an attempt to profit off the find not knowing the company is already facing foreclosure and its customers have band together to save it. Sounds like an up brow "save the farm" drama. 

Okay, all of that is true except the "up-brow" and drama part and director JC Calciano probably wouldn't have it any other way. 

Based off the YouTube sketch comedy series that began a decade ago  "Steam Room Stories: The Movie" isn't shy about its gratuitous objectification of the male form. It's also not shy about grabbing laughs whenever it can even if they make you groan and roll your eyes. 

Here's the real plot: Traci Lords plays Sally Fay, an aging skin care mogul looking for the Fountain of Youth which she finds with the help of her brow-beaten assistant Neil (Eric D'Agostino). Thanks to a map, the duo have determined that the source of the age-reversing water is located in Encino at a privately owned gym frequented by some of the sexiest men in Hollywood draped at the waist in barely-there bath towels. Undaunted, Fay tells Neil to become a mole inside the steam room and sabotage any efforts the hunky patrons have to raise money to save the gym after it's discovered the owner owes back taxes, 

The gents, some gay some straight, some bi concoct all of their ideas in a, you guessed it, steam room. 

Fundraising ideas include a bake sale, a semi-nude carwash, a wet underwear contest and another scheme that includes a sperm bank. Yeah, they go there.

"Steam Room Stories: The Movie" which is getting a special screening on September 18 at the Hillcrest Cinemas takes its audience into another dimension with CinemaScent a series of eight "scratch 'n sniff" aromas designed to coincide with what's going on in the movie. It's a fun addition to an already over-the-top rompcom. 

All the silliness is set amid a romance involving the unlucky in love (and beefy) Wade played by Jacob Buckenmyer who has nothing to flex here but his arms. He delivers some goofy dialogue with meathead aplomb drowned in some pretty heavy gags that land only some of the time. 

Eric D'Agostino, who plays Neil, seems to be the only actor who can balance out the farcical nature of the film with its romantic overlay. He's a gifted actor who makes what he can of the material and offers more than a pre-fixe performance.

Paris Dylan as Beau gets to ham it up for the camera, something he takes advantage of.  

Top-billing goes to Traci Lords who gloriously chews up the scenery as Sally. Lords doesn't have much to do here but be the villain and although cut-and-pasted she looks great and delivers more than she probably should. 

If there is anyone in the movie who will stimulate your dirty side it's Chris Boudreaux as Balton the straight dude with a body like Adonis. Whatever fat he has is in his acting chops because his comic timing is terrific. And if you don't think so just gaze at his chiseled body for a second; well worth the price of admission. 

This is not Shakespeare of course what you are really coming to see is all the chiseled flesh and there is plenty of it. The cast is so beautiful and well-defined it's like looking at the Grand Canyon for the first time. 

The flesh runneth over with all the actors spending half the movie (maybe more) in nothing but a skimpy towel which does it's best to hide what lies in the shadows of man-spreading. When the boys are all sitting in the steam room the camera stays at mostly knee-level which teases at a chance for an upskirt shot. Every enhanced body part is showcased in the film, and I mean every.

What Steam Room lacks in cinematic timbre it makes up for in tenacity. It doesn't pretend to be anything but a wild ride filled with tasteless jokes and raunchy humor. And on that level, it works for the most part. There are some questionable gags, but it's all in good fun. 

Wherever your funny bone lies,  "Steam Room Stories: The Movie" will tickle it in one way or another. 

"Steam Room Stories: The Movie" will show at the  Hillcrest Cinemas - Landmark Theatres 3965 5th Ave. San Diego, on Wednesday, September 18, at 7 pm.