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Filth2Go- October 23, 2009

"I still love her. But she's retarded, too." - Guy Ritchie tells us how he feels about Madonna today. In these politically correct days, he's been taken to task by a disabilities advocacy group. "Use of the R-word demeans people with intellectual disabilities." Lord in merciful heaven!

Didya miss me, San Diego? Sure, it's been a few months, but never too busy for you! I was even down in your neck of the woods hosting a screening of "Mommie Dearest" for FilmOut. And now I'm with SDGLN. I have a funny feeling we'll be seeing alot more of each other.

Kinda halfway between LA and SD is Long Beach, and that's where I recent spent an "Evening with Joan Collins". This is a one-woman show she toured England with last year. Inexplicably, the only US date prior to last week was a September performance at the Mohegan Sun Casino in Connecticut. Neither locale would be described as her core audience, as was evidenced by the less-than-half capacity "crowd" in Long Beach. That said, Collins has an engaging stage presence and gobs of stories to share. And she looks great. She may have never had a break-out film ("Empire of the Ants" does not count), but she worked with some of the biggest names in Hollywood - Paul Newman, Bob Hope, Kirk Douglas, Debbie Reynolds, Gene Kelly, Joanne Woodward, Richard Burton, Shirley Maclaine, the list goes on and on. Admittedly, the projects with these luminaries are likely films they'd rather forget, but it gives Collins lots of people to dish about. And dish she does. She shares great stories about Joan Crawford (who she claims to be named after), Sir Laurence Olivier, Bette Davis, and many more. We've come into possession of a video from the show featuring some of the choice bits, which we'll post on BillyMasters.com.

While I was with Joan Collins, Elizabeth Taylor was with Michael Jackson's kids at Universal Studios. Now, you tell me which is more surreal...Collins discussing her luminous film career, or Liz riding "Jurassic Park - The Ride"? I know - it's a draw! But since Liz is in that wheelchair, you get to go to the front of the line. And, if the ride breaks down, the kids could sit on Taylor's lap...there's the real "Jurassic Park - The Ride"!

Didya enjoy Jesse Metcalfe's return to "Desperate Housewives"? If not, you missed it - he's gone, but is still giving interviews like he's one of the housewives! In the most recent, he reveals that when he used to do love scenes with Eva Longoria, he'd get so excited, he'd "pop a wheelie". Unless Eva's got a penis, I doubt the veracity of this story. He went on to claim that his "situation" was so obvious, he had to wait a minute under the sheets until it subsided. To quote Julie Newmar, "Such a fuss over so little."

We recently reported about the break-up of two lesbian couples - Martina Navratilova and Toni Layton, and Cherry Jones and Sarah Paulson. You can add Rosie O'Donnell and Kelli Carpenter to that list. Rumors of a schism have been running rampant ever since Kelli was a no-show on this summer's R Family cruise. Now it's being reported that Kelli moved out of their Nyack home. O'Donnell gave an interview to USA Today: "Kelli and I love each other very much and we are working on our issues. Those are the only words I am ever going to say. Ever. And that is something that has been agreed upon by all parties." Sounds awfully lawyer-y to me. How will this affect the kids? "Everything's fine and everybody's good and we're still both raising them together. We will both continue to parent them and we're friendly and everything's all right." Except we hear that Kelli took biological daughter Vivienne with her and left the three adopted kids with Ro. Uh oh.

Another same-sex couple appears to have bitten the dust. Rumor has it that TR Knight is a single man after Mark Cornelson was seen moving out of their shared abode (around the same time Kelli was packing up). In this case, I'm told it was completely amicable. TR is planning to appear on stage in New York in 2010 for an extended period of time, and I'm told Cornelson was never planning to relocate. As one source says, "It just came to a natural end, no hard feelings." Good luck to all of them.

In happier queer news, Mariah Carey has helped bring a young gay couple together. It all happened when Maurie Sherman and Mathew Almeida of Toronto planned to attend Mariah's show at the Palms. Maurie wanted to get married, but Mathew told him three years ago that he'd only marry him if he got to meet Mariah. Sherman plotted the proposal with Mariah's management and he kept his fingers crossed it would go off without a hitch. When the time came, Carey brought the guys on stage and Maurie said, "I'm hoping that my Mariah will accept his Nick Cannon." Mariah had champagne waiting for the boys and toasted their engagement. How great is that? You can watch the video on BillyMasters.com.

We have another ally in the fight for gay marriage. Belinda Carlisle taped a PSA supporting Protect Maine Equality. We'll run the whole message on BillyMasters.com, but here's a quote, "My son James is gay, and I want him and every other gay person out there to have the same opportunities and rights as I've had in life." YAY!

I attended the LA premiere of the new film, "Oy Vey! My Son Is Gay!" starring Lainie Kazan, John Lloyd Young, Jai Rodriguez, Vincent Pastore, Bruce Vilanch and Carmen Electra. I LOVED IT! Sure, it has some cliché moments, but more than anything else, the film has loads of laughs and heart. And it looks great. But above all, this is a Kazan tour-de-force - she's spectacular. Really the whole cast is wonderful - even Carmen, who is really naturally funny. While you're waiting for it to come to a theatre near you, I'll post some pics from the premiere.

This week's "Ask Billy" question is about two men - John vs. Jay. Calvin in Miami writes: You've mentioned a few new shows. Have you seen 'Accidentally On Purpose'? It's almost unwatchable, but the lead guy Jon Foster is so frickin' hot. What do you know about him? And, when did Jay Mohr get so fat?"

I must confess, I had no intention of watching "Accidentally On Purpose", until one episode opened with Jon Foster wearing only a towel. Yowza! Tall, lean, muscular...loved him. What I've noticed is that in episodes where he's not going to appear shirtless, his gym time apparently diminishes and he sports all the cleavage of Ann Jillian...no offense. As to his personal life, he is 6-foot, enjoys boxing and snowboarding, and is the younger brother of actor Ben Foster. I suppose you could just suffer through the show for the occasional shirtless bits. Or just check out BillyMasters.com, where we show just a bit more!

As to Jay Mohr, I assume you are talking about his extreme weight gain. I don't know when that happened because, like most Americans, I change the channel directly after watching "The New Adventures of Old Christine". Hmmm, maybe when the country wasn't looking, Jay sent out for pizza....three times a day, from the look of it. Chunky pics to follow on BillyMasters.com.

When I can come up with even one reason to watch "Accidentally On Purpose", it's definitely time to end yet another column. Need I remind you that the best dish around can be found on www.BillyMasters.com? Well, I guess I needed to. I should also say that I'm always here for your gossip needs (and personal needs if you're cute). Just write me at Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Dick Cheney does a PSA supporting his daughter's right to a same-sex marriage! So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.