In school they tell us that we take history classes so we can learn from the mistakes of the past not to repeat them in the future. After being with Nick for six months, I feel like I reached a dating milestone and I thought it might be a good idea to look back at some of my past relationships to see what made them work, or more specifically, didn't work.
So it's time for me to drag out the skeletons in the closet and pay a visit to the ghosts of boyfriends past and to that I say ... Shall we let the Ex-Games begin?
Last year when I received a friend request from one of my Ex's on Facebook I have to admit ... I was curious to see how he was doing and more importantly, the vengeful gay in me wanted to see what he looked like! Of course his profile was set to private and his profile pic was one of the two of us together when we first met. In 2003!
So before I responded to the friend request, I fired off an email to my friend Jason who had friends that knew my ex, to find out what the 411 was with him. Within minutes I had a response from Jason that said, "They say he's as big as a house now!"
And the friend request? Approved!
I didn't know it at the time, but the weekend Nick and I met at Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco, Nick also saw his ex. He told me this story about a month after we had started dating. Apparently he caught his ex (of several years) checking him out. Said ex also did a double take when he realized that Nick was walking hand in hand with yours truly.
As Nick relayed the story to me he claimed victory and boosted my ego by saying, "He totally freaked out when he saw you and took off in the opposite direction!"
A good Example
I'm not here to bash on ex's because in all honesty, I am friends with most of the guys I have dated. To this day I call my ex Jerry my favorite ex. We only went out for six months, but even after things ended, he still took care of my dog K.C. when I was out of town and 9 years later he still has keys to my house.
On the flip side, the locks were changed several years ago so they won’t do him much good and my San Diego roommate can sleep peacefully with that knowledge!
I celebrated St. Patrick’s Day this year with my friend Sara by going to Pink Taco like most of the office workers in Century City do. While Sara was getting a kick out of spotting a “celebrity” (specifically Kara, the daughter of Jeana from The Real Housewives of Orange County), we started talking about running into some of our infamous ex’s on Facebook. I relayed to her the story about approving my ex just to see what he was looking like but I also realized something.
“I was bashing on Kara from American Idol, as I usually do,” I explained. “And he got snarky and jumped on the bandwagon. It was kinda nice to be reminded of what I saw in him in the first place.”
Sarah chimed in with a laugh and raised her glass, “Well we all make mistakes for a reason!”
EXplaining it all
So when it comes to playing the Ex-Game, I think everyone wants to be a winner. Sometimes it’s seeing that you’ve faired better off alone and sometimes it’s finding someone before they do. It’s a silly game though when you really think about it. What we should be doing is looking at what was right and what was wrong when you were together.
Maybe when you find Mr. Right you will see the qualities you were attracted to before and hopefully you will find a lot more to love.
Travis D. Bone is a Los Angeles based writer and a graduate of the University of California at San Diego. After spending 13 years in San Diego where his journalism efforts earned him a San Diego Press Club award he took his chances on moving to Los Angeles to become a television writer. Now he’s working in finance for a studio, so that didn’t turn out quite the way he expected. On the upside he’s still writing, still single and still living it up splitting time between Los Angeles and San Diego. In short he’s got a lot of stories to tell.