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Fruit Fly in the City: A little wine, and a debate erupts over using fag hag or fruit fly

I know some of you are thinking, “There’s a difference?” To which I will graciously respond, “Not really.”

There are a few comments buzzing around about the definition of a “fruit fly” vs. the definition of a “fag hag.” This of course had me intrigued since I had thought they were the same thing. I’m always open to hearing different points of view and everyone is entitled to them.

Lucky enough for me, I was invited to a wine-tasting party by one of my favorite moodles. I knew this would be the perfect opportunity to ask my fellow ladies and gents of the gayborhood if there was a difference between a fag hag and a fruit fly.

Everyone knows how much fruit flies love their wine and this wine-tasting event did not fail to please in the least. In short, each guest brought a bottle of wine. The identity of the wine was kept secret until the end of the party.

Everyone wrote down what flavors best described the taste of the wine. Sounds lovely in theory but I wasn’t sure if I could tell the different between pinot noir and grape fruit juice halfway through the event, which means I was having a fabulous time!

Naturally, after wine taste No. 10 (or perhaps it was No. 11), I began asking my fruits if there was indeed a difference between a hag and a fly. Very few of them were aware there was. In fact, most of them had never heard of there being two separate groups at all and had always thought both terms were one in the same. Strange!

One lovely young woman made the differentiation, stating that “fruit flies, like the insect, are annoying and have a short life span. They think of themselves before ever thinking of their 'menz.' ”

OK, well said. So, apparently there are some annoying females hanging with their “menz.” However, I have always known my moodles (and woodles for that matter) to surround themselves with great company and friends. Rarely ever do I see a gay man ever keep an annoyance around. They’re always surrounding themselves with the people who make them happy and who are joyous.

The flip side of this equation would be that the moodle who is keeping this “annoying” pest around is not being true to himself or the company he keeps. Many people would consider this to be a character flaw and if you keep such company around, you may want to consider associating with new friends. The term “fake” comes to mind.

Perhaps, the ladies of the gayborhood would prefer there to be a differentiation between a fag hag and a fruit fly as far as characteristics are concerned. OK, fair enough. Let me go ahead and roll out the red carpet for you ladies. Here is the definition of a hag:

hag – noun

1. an ugly old woman, especially a vicious or malicious one.

2. a witch or sorceress.

3. a hagfish.

Now, I don’t know about you but I would rather be called a fruit fly than to have that type of label follow me around wherever I go.

In addition, we all know the definition of a fag and we’re not talking about the British term for a cigarette. Both terms are extremely demeaning in my opinion. Please ladies, for the love of Bob, please stop calling yourselves hags. You are too beautiful and far too fabulous to be calling yourselves hags.

Perhaps you believe you are not the most fabulous looking woman in the world. Go get yourself a Style magazine and see if that doesn’t inspire you to beautify yourself. Besides, you have an inner beauty that is unparallel to any other beauty. For crying out loud, call yourself the “produce girl” instead of a fruit fly. Everyone loves a produce girl.

Perhaps there is a difference between the two. Perhaps the “produce girl” doesn’t like the fruit fly, but to tell you the truth, we’re all enjoying the company we’re in. So, why the hate? It’s all about peace and equality. I mean, isn’t that why we love spending time with our “menz”? One love, people. One love.

In the meantime, I’ll be creating a wine-tasting event for all of my moodles and woodles in Hillcrest. All produce girls in the area are invited. Just try not to kill my buzz!


S.T. Fernandez, America's Finest Fruit Fly

I’m always interested in your comments and feedback. You can view this and other articles on my blog, www.AmericasFinestFruitFly.com. These are my documented experiences of a straight girl in the gayborhood. While I am a novelist, I feel inspired to make others laugh by writing about the situations I've experienced as a result of hanging out with my Moodles. Thanks for the content, my friends!