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For Women

Thanks for flying

It had been years since I’d flown on a plane and I was a virgin to the new security procedures. And at that moment, I was having my traveling cherry popped by a burly woman with a voice like a buzzsaw. Merry Christmas to me.

Blurbs from a breeder: I’ll buy you a diet coke if you have my baby

Jay was a gay teenager born without the filtration system that separates thoughts from statements. One day, as we were eating frosting packets from the local mall’s Cinnabon, I caught his eyes drifting toward my lower body. Fearing that Lake Oswego was about to lose its singular homosexual, I asked Jay why his eyes were burning a hole through my jeans.

Blurbs from a Breeder: It’s Raining Gingerbread Men (Hallelujah)

“Ladies and gentleman,” he said proudly. “What we have accomplished here today exceeds all gingerbread themes from holidays past. Although Courtney’s gingerbread strip club complete with licorice poles is still noteworthy and will forever hold a place in our hearts, today we have created meaning out of frosting and candy by addressing the difficult issues facing the gay community.”

Cell phones and serendipity

It occurred to me- in few minutes I’d be walking through my front door wearing last night’s clothes, faintly smelling of Skyy vodka and bad choices. Although I was being driven home Mercedes convertible, I couldn’t help but wonder if this could be classified as grown-up version of the walk-of-shame; one that involved leather seats and a BOSE sound system.

The B-Side: Real Life Sweeps Week Stunts

Sweeps are known for their sensationalized goings-on. Typically, there’s a wedding, or a funeral, or a fire, maybe a reunion, perhaps the big game and of course, some girl-on-girl action. In our lifetime, the staple of a square Sweeps diet has been the lesbian kiss.

Blurbs from a Breeder: Cell Phones and Granola Bars

What do you do when you stumble across one of those bullhorn cell phone talkers whose voice ten times the normal speaking decibel? SDGLN.com columnist Courtney Bee recently found herself pondering that same question. And like a moth drawn to one hell of a loud flame, she began to follow her.